4/24/2018

I opened up this new post about 4 hours ago and I am still not sure what I was planning on writing about this morning.
I know last night as I was laying in bed I was thinking about something that I wanted to talk about on here, but now that the time has come, I am not so sure what I was planning on saying.
Isn’t that fun for me?

Regardless, I did open up the new post and so here I am writing. I am not sure how I am doing lately. I feel like every day it changes constantly.
But I am trying my best.
I am back working. I am just Customer Service for a company right now, which makes me feel a bit like a loser.
I personally made the choice to go back to Customer Service, however, sometimes it still leaves me feeling lame. Like I worked really hard before to climb the metaphorical ladder, but now I am just back to doing what I did before.
For that reason, everyday that I go to work and finish, it is a bit of an accomplishment for me. I’m constantly reminding myself of the benefits that this job gives me and why I took it in the first place.
But again, any day I do it is an accomplishment and this is something I remind myself of every day when I get home.

My other most recent accomplishments, because it’s important for my to announce to people my accomplishments, is I started going to the gym.
This is another thing that I have to go ahead and congratulate myself on daily. Every day that I go to the gym is an accomplishment for me as well.
So, when I am trying to walk up the stairs to my house and my calves are all tense and my body feels like hell, I have to remind myself that I know have bragging rights of saying that I go to the gym.
I also have the bragging rights of saying that I run on a weekly basis. I go more than once a week, but in reality I shouldn’t be bragging about anything related to the gym, because I definitely do not look like I attend the gym.
But bragging rights are still important.

SO! I have no clue what I originally was going to say in this post, but I have now successfully listed out my not real accomplishments as of late.
Please congratulate me…

 

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3/28/2018

So, for some reason I have a lot of spam outlook emails following my blog lately. I had 5 follow me on Sunday and I’ve already gotten 2 today.

Not really sure what I did to deserve such great spam following, but it’s safe to say I have at least 7 new best friends who may only be interested in me for my money.

Little do they know I have $10 to my name. Go Team.

03/22/2018

Well, I can’t promise I’ll be your best friend, but I am a person who likes expressing and reacting to others. And I like texting, so it’s not a bad offer while you’re searching for a friend.

That’s the last text based message I sent. It was to a stranger online who told me at 2 am they’ve never had a best friend. At 2 am it seems pretty accurate for how I feel about my interactions with people.

2/17/2018

I turned 26 on the 11th. Not sure if much has changed over the years even though I know that a lot has.

I don’t post on here much anymore, mostly because I am too much in my own head and trying to keep going to post my thoughts.

A lot of times I wish that I would have made this blog anonymous. I don’t know if I would feel more inclined or less to post, but it is something that I think about in terms of this blog.

Who’s to say.

I read on Facebook the other day a post about if you/I was a character in a book, people would love you for all of your quirkiness and flaws. They would relate to you.

That’s a nice sentiment to think about. Something to ponder about. What do people see when they look at me? Potential? Weirdo? Annoying?

I have no clue. A lot of time I don’t think they see anything. I’m just here. In the background and occasionally in some speaking parts of their lives. Only a main character in a handful of people’s lives. A supporting character in fewer.

That’s probably on me. Again, who’s to say.

12/12/2017

I started a new job yesterday and I am currently in their training class. No big deal.

One of the goals today on our second day is to “build positive relationships”. Which is a generic thing to ask for your trainees. But my first response was: 😬

I was already sitting at a table by myself and my biggest goal personally in training is to fly under the radar. I feel like the more I talk to people, the more I will come off as condescending, which is a problem I have had in the past.

My sister says part of it is that I use random big words that no one else uses. Last night I told someone I was “elated” for them. Sorry.

But even in the training class, the trainer asked why McDonalds was successful. I said that they were clone-able and repeatable. The trainer just stared at me until someone else said “Their food is addictive” which they discussed instead.

I just feel like the best way to “build positive relationships” is to be quiet. I’m not trying to come off condescending and I don’t even know how to fix it.

I sometimes feel like even when I’m friendly it doesn’t work out that way. I have even had people in the past tell me they were afraid to talk to me because they thought I would think they are dumb. I don’t.

It’s just not something I ever thought would be a factor, but now I have to sit and think about how I am coming off to people as opposed to just being myself.

And if you’re one of those shaking your head saying “You should always be yourself”, I find that either a naive statement or one that is just not thought through. You can’t always be yourself. You do have to put on aires sometimes and play the game. It’s just life.

And for me the best way to play is to try to be quiet. C’est la vie.

9/8/2017

I have been sitting here for about 30 minutes just looking at this blank post. I obviously have answered a few texts and looked at a few things on my phone while trying to spark some inspiration on what to say.
I am trying to be more consistent on here. I think that journaling is very important and I somehow cannot stay consistent with an actual physical journal, but I have been able to stay somewhat consistent with this blog.

The reason journals are so important to me is one time I heard an older lady talking about her mother who recently had passed. Her mother hadn’t kept any journals or anything, but when she was going through some of the old cookbooks her mother had, she found notes her mother had written notes on.
She talked about how comforting it was just to see her mother’s handwriting and read the different words she used.

Anyways, I didn’t really do anything today, except I saw a picture I took 3 years ago when I was super excited about my Dairy Queen cherry dipped cone.

I liked my hair dark in that picture so much that I ended up dying it dark again.

I took that just a while ago. And now I am sitting watching Netflix with one of the best sights.

9/7/2017

I’ve been thinking a lot lately like I typically do. Someone asked me recently what my favorite thing to do is and I responded with thinking.
Because it is the thing I do the most and I do think about various different subjects.

But one thing I was thinking of when I was on a long drive today for my work was just thinking how boring I have become.
Lately, I feel like I am too tired to do anything. I haven’t even done my make up that much recently.
My sister asked me today if I was lonely and I said not really, just occasionally I wish I had a male best friend and more interaction with males.
Then I mentioned that it would be too much work and I was too tired to proceed with finding a friend or trying to build the relationship. The idea of even starting a relationship (friendship or otherwise) just sounds so tiring and the return on investment is not there.

Even when I meet someone new and they start asking me the standard questions, I just feel tired and want to say the simplest thing so we can move on.

Anyways, I just am wondering if I am boring or if I am just burnt out. I do kind of look boring nowadays with no makeup and no flashy clothes.
But if I am boring, I am okay with it I guess.