I turned 26 on the 11th. Not sure if much has changed over the years even though I know that a lot has.

I don’t post on here much anymore, mostly because I am too much in my own head and trying to keep going to post my thoughts.

A lot of times I wish that I would have made this blog anonymous. I don’t know if I would feel more inclined or less to post, but it is something that I think about in terms of this blog.

Who’s to say.

I read on Facebook the other day a post about if you/I was a character in a book, people would love you for all of your quirkiness and flaws. They would relate to you.

That’s a nice sentiment to think about. Something to ponder about. What do people see when they look at me? Potential? Weirdo? Annoying?

I have no clue. A lot of time I don’t think they see anything. I’m just here. In the background and occasionally in some speaking parts of their lives. Only a main character in a handful of people’s lives. A supporting character in fewer.

That’s probably on me. Again, who’s to say.



I started a new job yesterday and I am currently in their training class. No big deal.

One of the goals today on our second day is to “build positive relationships”. Which is a generic thing to ask for your trainees. But my first response was: 😬

I was already sitting at a table by myself and my biggest goal personally in training is to fly under the radar. I feel like the more I talk to people, the more I will come off as condescending, which is a problem I have had in the past.

My sister says part of it is that I use random big words that no one else uses. Last night I told someone I was “elated” for them. Sorry.

But even in the training class, the trainer asked why McDonalds was successful. I said that they were clone-able and repeatable. The trainer just stared at me until someone else said “Their food is addictive” which they discussed instead.

I just feel like the best way to “build positive relationships” is to be quiet. I’m not trying to come off condescending and I don’t even know how to fix it.

I sometimes feel like even when I’m friendly it doesn’t work out that way. I have even had people in the past tell me they were afraid to talk to me because they thought I would think they are dumb. I don’t.

It’s just not something I ever thought would be a factor, but now I have to sit and think about how I am coming off to people as opposed to just being myself.

And if you’re one of those shaking your head saying “You should always be yourself”, I find that either a naive statement or one that is just not thought through. You can’t always be yourself. You do have to put on aires sometimes and play the game. It’s just life.

And for me the best way to play is to try to be quiet. C’est la vie.


I have been sitting here for about 30 minutes just looking at this blank post. I obviously have answered a few texts and looked at a few things on my phone while trying to spark some inspiration on what to say.
I am trying to be more consistent on here. I think that journaling is very important and I somehow cannot stay consistent with an actual physical journal, but I have been able to stay somewhat consistent with this blog.

The reason journals are so important to me is one time I heard an older lady talking about her mother who recently had passed. Her mother hadn’t kept any journals or anything, but when she was going through some of the old cookbooks her mother had, she found notes her mother had written notes on.
She talked about how comforting it was just to see her mother’s handwriting and read the different words she used.

Anyways, I didn’t really do anything today, except I saw a picture I took 3 years ago when I was super excited about my Dairy Queen cherry dipped cone.

I liked my hair dark in that picture so much that I ended up dying it dark again.

I took that just a while ago. And now I am sitting watching Netflix with one of the best sights.


I’ve been thinking a lot lately like I typically do. Someone asked me recently what my favorite thing to do is and I responded with thinking.
Because it is the thing I do the most and I do think about various different subjects.

But one thing I was thinking of when I was on a long drive today for my work was just thinking how boring I have become.
Lately, I feel like I am too tired to do anything. I haven’t even done my make up that much recently.
My sister asked me today if I was lonely and I said not really, just occasionally I wish I had a male best friend and more interaction with males.
Then I mentioned that it would be too much work and I was too tired to proceed with finding a friend or trying to build the relationship. The idea of even starting a relationship (friendship or otherwise) just sounds so tiring and the return on investment is not there.

Even when I meet someone new and they start asking me the standard questions, I just feel tired and want to say the simplest thing so we can move on.

Anyways, I just am wondering if I am boring or if I am just burnt out. I do kind of look boring nowadays with no makeup and no flashy clothes.
But if I am boring, I am okay with it I guess.


This morning my sister and I went to clean out her car that was totaled on 7/26/2017. The car was in my name. I signed for it at the beginning of June. The first payment hadn’t even been paid yet. 

The afternoon of the 26th, my sister and I were driving home with her son who is 7 months old. She suddenly started having a seizure while turning left in an intersection. She had never had one before. We hit the person across the intersection from us and then didn’t stop until we hit the curb. She was still seizing for at least a minute after we stopped while I called 911. I had been in the backseat with the baby and could not grab the wheel.

These are the pictures from that day:

These are the ones I took this morning before we cleaned out her car.

My sister broke her back in two spots, broke her ankle, and cracked four ribs. Since I was in the backseat, I ended up with just a concussion from hitting my head. The baby was completely fine. His car seat protected him, not even a scratch on him and he didn’t cry once.

It’s hard to even say how I feel about what happened, because it feels more like a dream if anything. It’s something that happened, but then life went on after that. Life just kept going and everything kept moving on.

Which makes days like today when we had to look at the car again in person so surreal. Or times like today when I get a headache and then I get winded and weak to where I can’t do much as a result of my concussion. It seems almost out of left field since everything carried on after our accident. Like if life can carry on, why can’t we?

Anyways, that is what happened and I don’t have any feelings towards it. There were a few days after the crash where my head/body hurt so much I wondered why I didn’t die, but now thinking about the accident just leaves me feeling tired.


I’m at a point in time right now where life just seems really long and really hard and really lonely.

I have been feeling it for a couple weeks now and the typical things I use to comfort myself aren’t doing it so much for me anymore. When they are comforting, it’s just temporary.

I don’t really have a direction for this post or even had a ton I wanted to say, I just wanted to write down my feelings, because I am having them again very strongly tonight.

I know I will feel better after reading my scriptures and this reoccurring feeling that will pass over time. Kind of like a slump, but it is one I’ve had for the past while and I just can’t shake it. It’s a waiting for it to pass thing and I just wanted to talk about it.

That’s all.


As long as you are still breathing, there is still time…

That’s something the speaker in church said on Sunday and it struck me really hard.

Today my sister and I were driving with on a highway in the middle of nowhere for our work we do together and all of sudden it started pouring rain. 

The thing about driving in the pouring rain is it’s a lot like driving in the snow. And once the road gets covered in water, it can be like driving on black ice.

We slid off the road and probably were out of control of the car for about 40 ft of driving through bushes and desert terrain. Luckily there were no signs or anything for us to hit, we just plowed through a few small bushes. It was also lucky that we were in my sister’s SUV and not my Prius.

Last week I was listening to a talk and in the talk the speaker was telling a story about a time when he was walking on a bridge and the footing gave way. He fell and the first thing he did was yell out:

Father! Help me!

Praying out loud. He immediately thought to turn to his Heavenly Father and he was caught by one of the other hikers.

As I listened to the talk twice (I like to listen to them twice so I can hear the message and let it sink in) I wondered if I would immediately know or think to call out in prayer.

Fast forward to today when my sister and I were praying to see if we should make this drive, I received a response of “Trust me”.

And as we slid off the road and had a very tense 60 seconds, the first thing I did was scream my sisters name (to alert her of the situation in case she somehow missed that she had lost control of the car.) and then my heart praying to Heavenly Father for us to be safe.

And we were. A little whiplash and definitely shook up, but we were safe.

Then when we had turned around and said a prayer of gratitude, that saying from the speaker on Sunday came to my mind.

Even when you’re sliding out of control in the pouring rain, as long as you’re still breathing there is still time to call out to your Heavenly Father.


I’ve really missed my blog lately. I’ve been running so crazy that I couldn’t even think of anything to write about on here.

I mean, I haven’t even done my make up in like a month, let alone written on my blog. That is just not like me.

Actually, it is like me. I’m very inconsistent with my blog over the weeks, but over the years, I have been killing it at this for almost 6 and a half years.

Anyways, the last couple of days there has been some lyrics from a song stuck in my head:

All will be well

Even after all the promises you’ve broken to yourself

All will be will

You can ask me how, but only time will tell.

This has been coming to my mind since there have been a few situations recently where things haven’t panned out and the aftermath leaves you just trying your hardest to manage.

In other words, trying to keep your head and then keep it above water.

But I just like the words of that song about how even after breaking promises to yourself, which I have done quite often, things will get better after time.

And that is comforting to me right now.

(All Will Be Well – The Gabe Dixon Band)


This is something on my mind a lot tonight. I had decided a couple of weeks ago to start reading the Doctorine and Covenants for my scripture study each night.

But a few nights ago I felt I needed some peace and so I ended up switching back to the Book of Mormon. This happens almost every time I try to read the Bible or any of the other books of scripture, I end up missing the peace that comes from reading the Book of Mormon.

So, if I want to read one of the other books of scripture, I have to read the Book of Mormon with it just for my spirit to be at peace.

And that’s not a bad thing.